So, I have really been slacking on writing my blog. Since I have a couple hours of completely free time on my hands, I will put them to good use.
I am currently on a flight back to New York from a two-week work trip to San Diego. Overall, I had a simply amazing time in San Diego. I mean, how can you not have a great time when you are being put up in a beautiful hotel for 2 weeks and you have training during the day, but tons of extra time to explore a new city?
I went to a Colbie Caillat concert at the House of Blues, saw a play in a small theatre in Coronado, went to 3 movies (including opening night) at the San Diego Film Festival and also met up with MANY old friends. I saw my old friend Stefanie who I have not seen since I was 13; Grayson, who I haven’t seen since I left Kodiak almost 3 years ago; Wes, who is one of my dearest friends that I haven’t seen in about 6 months; Jimmy, who I haven’t seen in about a year and a half; and finally Kelsey, my ex boyfriend who is still one of the best guys I know. It was a total blast and very nice to catch up with everyone.
So, cancer... Well, I’m happy to say that it is becoming more of a distant memory to me. I guess a lot of that comes from my initial reaction to cancer. I never went through the “Oh my god”, freaking out and crying stage. I know that seems odd, it seems odd to me too. I have no problem with people who do go through the stage; I think it is a normal part of everything setting in. For some reason though, I never went through it. I went from thinking I was fine and dandy to moving forward with life. I’m lucky. I know I am. Cancer is a shit sandwich no matter how you cut it, but I will never claim to have had it hard. I mean, I’ve had it harder than someone who never had cancer, but in the “cancer hierarchy”, I try not to complain too much because I know I got off light.
At first, I almost felt like I had a scarlet letter on my face that alerted me to my cancer status. Obviously I didn’t, but after diagnosis, you interact with people differently. It becomes almost an “Us v. Them” kind of thing. No one is the bad guy in the situation; it is just a difference in perspective. Someone who has had cancer understands what I mean. Our life experiences shape our views and after experiencing someone telling you that “You have cancer”, you look at things differently.
I digress… I used to go onto the bulletin boards for the Young Survival Coalition a lot. After diagnosis, it was like a sanctuary of women, all 40-ish and under, who knew exactly what I was going through. The best part was a thread that had photos of reconstruction. Seeing other women lessened my fears about the mastectomy and what I would look like afterwards. Now, 6 months post surgery, I rarely go on there anymore. As much as I got from the boards, it was becoming more aggravating than anything. Any time you get a LOT of women together, there is bound to be cattiness. We all have different personalities and a lot of tone gets lost online, so drama always is plentiful. Long story short, I got to so much from the boards, but I feel like it was time for me to step out of “cancer world” and return to my regularly scheduled programming.
I’m not under any illusion that I am a normal woman or that I won’t have to stay diligent for the rest of my life, but, I feel almost normal. What is really nice is that I do not feel self-conscience about my body. I figure that if a guy can’t take my scars, he can kiss my ass. I didn’t ask for cancer and I did what I needed to in order to get rid of it. Honestly, I haven’t encountered any guys who have had a problem with it. :) I’m very open about it though. It is something that will eventually come out, so I usually bring it up within the first 3 dates. Kind of like children. I do not want children, so I usually let a guy know that fairly soon. Many men want children and while I’m not trying to marry every guy I date, if they do, I may not be the girl for them. I’m a big fan of putting everything out on the table from the get go.
Before I branch off the topic of cancer, I will say that I am having another surgery on Monday. My implants settled down a little further than I wanted them, so I am having slightly larger ones put in and the surgeon is going to lift them. I think that doing pushups and stuff, tightened the muscle and pushed them down (since they are under the aforementioned muscle), so I’m going to take it easier after this surgery. The recovery should be easy, it was very easy last time. I didn’t even take a painkiller.
So, onwards and upwards. I am still in love with New York. It just has such energy to it. San Diego was beautiful and relaxing, with sweeping views of amazing coastline. Everyone is fairly friendly and most fit into the “West Coast” stereotype. But in New York, instead of being relaxing, it is alive. New York is the kind of city where you are awakened and you feel intoxicated by it. There is never a shortage of things to do, I mean, I went to a Broadway-style dance class in Chelsea a couple weeks ago. It was a total blast and I will definitely be back.
Work is going really well so far… Mind you, since I got there, we had 2 weeks of massive RFO/STAN inspection, 2 weeks where my CWO (who is really training me on what the heck to do) was on leave, and 2 weeks where I was in San Diego… So, that pretty much accounts for all my time at the unit so far. I like it though. Everyone seems awesome and it’s a much better relationship between the staff than anywhere I’ve been before. I just keep hoping it stays that way.
I suppose this is about all I’ve got for right now. I promise, promise, promise that I will post blogs more often and as soon as I land, I will post some more pics of my adventures… Much love!
